Thursday, August 19, 2010
This morning I woke up feeling guilty and sick with embarrassment. Most mornings I awake to this feeling. I am desperate to rid myself of this terrible doom. My dreams are the cause of this horrible occurrence. The vivid images replay over in my mind throughout the morning. My subconscious is able to conjure up the most disturbing circumstances. For instance, my dreams last night consisted of witnessing a passenger train derailing off a bridge, followed by my imprisonment and failed attempt to escape. The feelings were very stressful and aggravating. My mother came to retrieve me from prison when I discovered money and a white powder under my cot. I tested the white powder to confirm that the substance was cocaine. My mother suggested we take it with us to attempt to sell it. All of this was disturbing and confusing.
In the last month I've dreamt of being kidnapped several times, that members of my family are enraged with me and that I am trying to cover up a murder that I have committed. I have dreamt that rats and other vermin are surrounding me and nipping at me. Rarely are my dreams neutral, pleasant, or difficult to recall. The feelings associated with these nightmares is so intense that is hard to forget or shake off. It often takes me hours or sometimes half of the day to overcome last night's dreams. During the night I am restless and unable to fully relax. I don't feel that sleep is restful or rejuvenating.
I have a website that I like to visit and attempt to make sense of these bizarre nightmares. (http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/)
I will use last nights dream as an example of what I was able to find.
"To see or dream that you are in a train wreck, suggests chaos. The path to your goals are not going according to the way you planned it out. You are lacking self-confidence and having doubt in your ability to reach your goals. "
"To dream that you are in prison, indicates that you are being censored in some area of your life. You feel that your creativity is being limited and that you are not allowed to express yourself."
It's difficult to understand why these dark illustrations are manifesting themselves through my dreams. Possibly prescription medication could be the cause, a deep rooted sense of guilt or frustration. Maybe I'm severely insecure or feeling vulnerable. I believe that dreams are not always a glimpse into the complexity of the psyche but simply a shadow of the waking life. Maybe I've watched a news program that was upsetting or grim. Maybe I witnessed something or was reminded of something during my waking life that triggered these dreams. At least part of the time, I am sure waking life association is the case. It's difficult to pinpoint exactly what could be the root cause of this nightly distress but it evokes an interest into what conclusions we can come to concerning our lives based on our dreams alone.