Tuesday, July 27, 2010

There's a party in my tummy!

Ugh! Here I go again. Planning a weight loss diet; dreading the idea of depriving myself of my one vice, FOOD. It's a horrible addiction because rather than ridding yourself of any association with the substance, you have to partake of it but in MODERATION. Like many people struggling with weight management, I eat because I'm bored; because I'm seeking to fill some emptiness, there's a party in my tummy, I'm emotional, it tastes good, I'm out of control!
(Deep breath.)

I have lost weight before. I have felt the benefits of self-mastery. I am FULLY AWARE of the contradiction that overeating is to the rest of my values. How did I let it get this far? How did I lose sight of my drive? I asked myself the same questions while struggling with other addictions.
After giving birth to my daughter I was full of motivation to better myself in every way possible. I wanted to find my true spirit again, I wanted to better my education, strengthen my relationships and be nothing short of a perfect example of what an honorable WOMAN is.

So here I am. Many of my goals are in active progress. I can feel the light of God in my life again; my years of education are steadily accumulating, I have an honest sense of confidence and I have formed some of the deepest relationships of my lifetime. Yet, I still fall short. (And hard due to excess weight.) I continue to struggle with indulgence. I can feel my appetite taking over, my mouth watering and my excitement growing as I approach a meal. If the food is in front of me, I will eat it. I literally do not have the will power to push it away even though I may be sickeningly full. Afterwards I feel disgusted and ashamed of myself. How could I have lost control again!? Why did I do this to myself?

So now I am asking, What can I do? What are the factors I CAN control? Is there hope for me? Will I ever be able to live a healthy life with nutritional boundaries?

I have to believe that there IS HOPE for me. I have encountered too many success stories to deny hope. We have all heard of those people who governed themselves and worked diligently to overcome their demons. I know that I will need to monitor myself. I do not want to devote all of my entries to my weight loss goals but will periodically record my progress along the way. I have recorded the details of my plan separately and privately. Hopefully, writing will be another tool I can rely on to overcome the challenges I face.

1 comment:

  1. You know how I feel about this subject. I think our key is the exercise. When we do it the food is WAY easier to control. We see it as it really is, energy not void filler. Dont put your focus on the food, first try the movement then all will fall into place. You can do it! Go to the fun Y you were telling me about. Most of all make sure you are doing it for you and no one else. I'll be right there with you in a few weeks. God willing....