Monday, June 20, 2011

Let Me Come Home

   I can't quite figure out how I became more at home in the desert than in the lush green forests of Idaho. Regardless, I have found myself back in the dusty, dry, sweltering desert of Mesa, Arizona. Starting over, one day at a time has not been easy. Each day brings a new challenge when addiction is part of your family. The beauty of 12-step programs though is that it renders other peoples behavior irrelevant to your own individual happiness. I have found another home among people facing challenges similar to my own. I am still a "new-comer" but I feel I have a good grasp on what is to come in the next days, weeks, and months ahead. I have found that prayer is a key factor in reaching my goals and receiving the help that is essential to my progress. Heartfelt expressions of gratitude, humility, faith, and repentance to a loving Heavenly Father open the pathways to endure our trials and overcome our weakness's.
       I feel so blessed to come back to my physical home and put all of my things back in their places and then find a quiet moment to read and reflect. Many people that struggling with addiction or compulsive behaviors have to juggle their recovery around work or school schedules. But here I am in the middle of Summer break with lots of spare time on my hands. I couldn't ask for a more ideal time to start/continue a program of spiritual healing and recovery.
   I also have to mention what an absolute joy being a mother is. Regardless of the everyday bumps of raising a two year-old, I am eternally gratefully for the chance to be a mommy. Ever since Saylor was born, if I was depressed or getting down on myself I could simply look at her and all my troubles would melt away. Even through all the recent struggles I have felt that as long as I have Saylor by my side, everything will be okay. Now, I know she won't always be right there by me and I can rely on her as a coping mechanism, but just that fact that she is a part of my life has eased my pain and lightened my load. I find so much satisfaction in teaching her and caring for her basic needs. She is my home. She is one of my main motivations to be happy and healthy. I know that she will follow my example and that freaks me out just a little (in a good way)! I am not perfect by any means. But Saylor (just like every other child) deserves to have an example of a woman who is trying to be a little better each day. One day at a time.

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