Friday, May 6, 2011

In My Place

Wow! Like most weeks I have been a whirlwind of emotion and learning. I have really felt a wealth of lessons to be learned pouring down on me right now in almost every area of my life. I'm learning how to be a supportive, loving, non-selfish wife. I'm learning how to be a caring, devoted, understanding mother. I am learning to be confident, forgiving, and happy in myself. I have some how turned into one of the those people that has to WORK to be happy. As a child I was so care free and easy going. Like most adults, I've made things complicated. I am learning to accept my Heavenly Father's help in all of this. I'm learning how to be a delagent and teachable student.

I am learning to TRUST God's plan for me. I am learning to see him in every aspect of my life. Just when I'm not sure if I can go any further he picks up the pieces and puts me back in myt place. I am learning about money and time and the extensive organization that it takes to balance both. I'm learning about HEALTHY relationships. Relationships with my mother, my daughter, my visiting teaching sisters, my husband, food, Christ, myself, the Earth, strangers. I feel a transition of "letting go" opening up a new type of intelligence. Organization of thoughts through conversation, journaling, blogging, brings so much more depth to the initial idea. How great it is to learn, to share, and to observe.

I was almost unaware of the extent of growth I had accomplished over the last week and the emotional doors that I unlocked until I broke down this morning. It was a beautiful start to the day...snuggling in bed with Saylor, prayers, a cup of tea, perfect work-out at the gym, and then as I began my yoga poses I felt a wave of emotion come over me. I received a text from my husband mentioning our recent miscarriage. It has been more than a month since we lost what would have been our first baby together. It wasn't being reminded of the event that brought me to tears, it was the fact that I was ready to accept and face the pain...willingly. My heart was full and happy and content and I found the place where I could give my pain away. I broke down and sobbed for about a half an hour. I then dried my tears, had a glass of water and continued my day.

I can find peace and serenity in living according to God's will and time line. I have faith that he will lead me to brighter future. I am constantly learning and finding more understanding in the mysteries of this life, day by day.

1 comment:

  1. Lovely as always. Growing up is hard stuff!