Saturday, May 28, 2011

"Keep it to Yourself, It's My Life"

The response that I have received from my most recent posts have been less than supportive. I can honestly say that I have been caught off guard with the level of negativity and criticism that readers have expressed. One reader expressed that "I must not really love my husband because I left when he needed me the most." Comments have been made that it's wrong that I get paid for writting about my husbands suffering. I'd like to clarify that I have not recieved ANY money so far for blogging. The Adsense opportunity does not pay until you have accrued $100. I have earned roughly $30 in the year that I've been blogging. So the idea that money is my motive for blogging about my families problems is pretty damn silly.

As hurtful as some of these comments are they have also opened my mind to another perspective. I've had to make tough choices and maybe I made the wrong ones. I am not perfect. I have been under an emense amount of pressure. I have been scared. I've been concerned about my daughters welfare. Nothing has been finalized. Situations like this take time, prayer, and enough time for both parties to express their needs.

I have counciled with many different sources about my particular issue. The only person's opinion that I am concerned about is my Heavenly Father's. All I can do is pray and study and be sensitive to the promptings of his holy spirit. I've been grateful for all the feed back I've recieved because I know there are many elements to be considered. It's MOST helpful to hear from people who have been in this same situation. Outsiders who have NO experience with addiction and are to quick open their mouths are just plain ridiculous.

I do want to say that I LOVE my husband. I have struggled (like most wives) to succeed in my marriage. My husband and I came from unique backgrounds as an LDS couple. We have had unique challenges and have grown tremendously. I admire my husband for his humility and his unwavoring love for me. His sensitivity is remarkable. He is simply trying to do his best with the tools he has been given. We all have dark times in our lives but what matters is how we choose to handle them. By accessing the atonement of Jesus Christ we can face our futures with faith. We can be healed and restored through his grace. There is much WORK to be done in ALL of our hearts. Honesty to ourselves is critical for lasting happiness. Eventually white lies to ourselves dig a dark hole and we can't decipher between good and evil.

The LDS Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) has developed wonderful support groups for spouses and family members affected by addiction. I plan to attend meetings here in Idaho and strongly encourage anyone dealing with this issues to do the same.



  1. Oh Maddie! I am so sorry that you had that awful commenter! That Ben should probably realize that there are two sides to every story and that addiction is such a difficult thing to deal with. When my mom was at her lowest, she still had love and support but it wasn't enough and it wasn't until she decided for herself to get clean that it worked. You can love someone fiercely and not be able to help them. He needs to take a moment and realize that this situation affects more than just one. You are strong. You need your loved ones in times like these to help you keep that strength. Staying in AZ would not help anyone involved. You cannot help Cassidy until he is willing to help himself. Sometimes distance is the best medicine. You are loved. You are in my prayers daily. You are a magnificent mother and woman.

  2. Maddie- I think you are strong and Amazing, and I haven't even seen you for YEARS! Your honesty is refreshing for all of us that struggle....which is ALL OF US! Don't let anyone tell you your a failure, because I think you are pretty freakin fantastic!