I fed her in the bathtub

Letters clinging to the tile

I let her sit and play awhile

Didn't want to clean again

So I fed her lunch right then

Spelled her name out on the wall

As she stood up big and tall

Heard the Bright eyes singing songs

She couldn't help but dance along

Yogurt bites from a little spoon

"Sit your bum down, silly goon"

Out of my mouth I'd never bet

"Please don't get your bacon wet"

Yellow flowers hanging wide

While tiny toes and arms are dried

Comfort from her favorite pony

"It's time to rest, my precious Lovey"

Deja Vu

The idea of deja vu has a reputation as something mystical and mysterious. The scientific community views it quite differently. Research has shown that deja vu (referred to in science as, PROMNESIA) is easily explained as the lapsing of a similar situation logged in long-term memory with a new experience evoking a false sense of recollection. What science can't explain is the phenomenon linked to deja vu known as déjà vécu. Much like deja vu, déjà vécu is the feeling of having been in the same situation before. You may be more aware of the lighting, smells and sounds of the event and have a strong sense that you have experienced it all before. During déjà vécu you may also be able to anticipate what is about to occur. Somebody enters the room or a joke is made and you can predict the event merely seconds before it happens.

I have felt a strong sense of deja vu over the past several weeks and welcomed it. Somebody once told me that experiencing deja vu is a sign that we are on the right "path" in life, or that our destiny is aligning with our free will. This theory held weight with me and my beliefs. I have welcomed the sensation each time I experience deja vu. I asses my surroundings and the company that I am in and feel assured that this is where I should be. I have had moments in my life where feelings of deja vu were exceptionally strong and last for unusually long periods of time. I can recall one episode lasting almost fifteen minutes. I have also experienced moments of déjà vécu during which I simply knew what was about to occur in a short sequence of events. For example, shortly after moving to Bend, Oregon I was driving down a dark road for the first time and although I was turning down a street I had never been on, I already knew what was around the corner. In my mind I could recall a rocky hillside, specific landmarks and which way the road continued.

I do not attempt to argue with neurophysiological research. I am sure that most cases of promnesia can be attributed to simply similar memories overlapping with new memories being made. But on occasion, I believe that our spirit becomes aware of the things we once knew. Our subconscious finds a way into consciousness. Perhaps our pre-mortal knowledge is occasionally revealed to us as we live it out. We utilize our free agency by following the path that will bring us righteous knowledge. Sensations of familiar truth are accessible to those who recognize them. Scientific knowledge of how we make and store memories and the explanation behind deja vu is indeed accurate. The only correction I am suggesting is that our memories extend before our mortal existence. Maybe overlapping of memories does not only include Earthly memories but also those of our pre-mortal knowledge.

Remember Lots Wife

I am ashamed to admit it, but my faith was slightly shaken this week. I allowed myself to become bogged down in the mundane things of my life and neglected to see all of the blessings around me. I have always wanted the life that I am now creating. I wanted to be part of the gospel to have a loving husband and raise a family in a home of my own. As I am now doing those things I found myself questioning my motives. I became depressed thinking..."is this really what it's all about? Cooped up alone with a crazy toddler, cleaning, and reading?"

I then fell into another thought pattern that I often find myself in when I am bored or restless. I began day dreaming, which can be a dangerous thing. I caught myself reminiscent of old behaviors. I thought of my care-free days of partying, meeting new people and never knowing where the night was going to take me.

I was focused enough to still carry out the Sunday school answers; praying, reading my scriptures, paying my tithing, attending church, etc. As the week ended and money was exceptionally tight our family was blessed with nothing short of a miracle. In one day we received money from three separate sources, unexpectedly and completely randomly. We ended the week with over one hundred extra dollars.

I was quickly humbled by this experience and overcome with gratitude to my Heavenly Father. My faith and testimony were strengthend and I knew that my day dreams were wrong and careless. Although my life now is not a constant whirlwind of excitement it has more meaning. The love I feel from my committed husband, my savior and my precious child have eternal significance. My happiness is lasting and true rather than immediately gratifying. Living faithfully offers me the chance to grow and deepen my understanding of myself and divine principles. When we are exercising true faith we put our trust in God that he will provide a better future. When our past has been something dark and shameful it is certain that faith in our eternal Heavenly Father and savior Jesus Christ will have something brighter and more joyful than the spurts of excitement that sin had to offer.

Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the twelve Apostles referenced the Biblical story of Lot's wife in a BYU devotional and said the following:

"Just what did Lot's wife do that was so wrong? As a student of history, I have thought about that and offer a partial answer. Apparently, what was wrong with Lot's wife was that she wasn't just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before she was past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once said, such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion, but they still hope to keep a summer cottage in Babylon....

It is possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We certainly know that Lamen and Lemuel were resentful when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn't just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. That, apparently, was at least part of her sin."

After being so greatly blessed this week I am entering the new week with the mantra and council given by Christ in Luke 17:32 "Remember Lot's wife."

(The story of Lot's wife can be found in Genesis 19:1-26)

Farmers Market

I recently moved to Mesa and so I've been on the look out for fun/productive things to do. I was lucky enough to find a VERY local farmers market less than five minutes from my house.

I have made it a priority to feed my family organic/locally grown foods whenever possible. A farmers market is a gold mine for someone like me. All of the fresh produce and goods were grown no farther than Chandler and were farmed without harmful pesticides or genetic alterations. Besides the environmental and health benefits, everything was resonably priced. I was able to buy a 1/2 lb of natural ganola, a watermelon, plums and celery for under $10.

I constantly struggle with the issue of the desire to make good informed purchases and the ability to afford it. I know many people face this same issue. I have to say I was the choir being preached to several nights ago as my husband and I watced "Food Inc", an in-depth documentary that examines where our food comes from, how it is treated, and who is cotroling the process. This film is extremely well put together. It does not aim to convert but rather to inform the viewer. As American's we are all a part of this process and I highly recommend that you give the film a chance to enlighten you. It put some of my financial concerns at ease. It's basically the same idea as using cash rather than credit. Processed food being "credit" that you end up paying more for in the long run when it comes to health issues. Changing the subject...I found it freaking hilarous when we saw a woman pushing her cat in one of those pet strollers. Saylor got really excited and went up to it and the cat hissed and batted at Saylor. The lady got upset and told Saylor "that's enough!" Saylor backed up and was like "whatever, lady". Dirty hippies....shouldn't be bringing your cat out in public anyways.

Open for Interpretation

This poem was intented to be song lyrics. I wrote this about a year ago but never put it too music. I'd love to hear some reviews...good and bad. I'm not even sure what some of it means...but I know the feeling that inspired it.

"The words on a t-shirt are repeated with each wear,

too comfortable to notice the message that I bare. my moral compass broken, and a single grain I swearSkin to too tight ‘n itchy for the breath I ache to share

I’m nothing but a grip of appetites.

It’s not enough to keep me satisfied.

Wicked-memeber lyricist

resting fender length held knit

until a hammered nail slips, rusty broken finger tips.

I'll be near for saftey with the silence of a dame,

looking for the chance, nightly tigers flame,

lookin for the chance, new sets all three names

don’t suppose my mind is gonna change

don’t suppose my mind is gonna change

There’s sanitary squaler in a denim wear front pocket.

Danger of an enclosed hole waking from a dozen dreams,

in my throat a broken swallow.

luna, luna climbed the tree tops never thought to follow,

baby rocking falling tears, never meant before these years

praying under leaky ceiling, best intentions while she's kneeling..

...in the small room plaster peeling

she’ll find the broken streets appealing

This is only half a conversation

This is only half a conversation

Wicked-memeber lyricist

resting fender length held knit

until a hammered nail slips, rusty broken finger tips.

I'll be near for saftey with the silence of a dame,

looking for the chance,

nightly tigers flame,

while waiting winter whispers,

new sets all three names

The downtown desert doesn’t look the same

The downtown desert doesn’t look the same"

The Champ

So, I know this guy. I talk about him a lot. I guess because I love him. I have a feeling that few people really know how hard this guy has to work. His responsibility plate is overflowing. Now, this isn't uncommon, but I have seen few men handle their world with the grace that this guy does. That's why I call him "the Champ".

He is all red. He is determination. He leads without effort. He has music in his bones and God in his heart. He shows his affection with giggles and goofy voices. You can bet he's got a Pepsi or "bull" nearby.

There are those times in the day when he gets a little cranky--- like when he is hungry. Just offer this guy some pizza and wings and he'll be spitting our some sick rhymes in no time.

Conquering his demons has made him who he is today, but his mistakes do not define him. Anyone who knows him can see something special. Nothing in his character is ordinary.

Organization of his duties yields his success. He is an inspiration to people like me.

He likes saying words like "wife" and "daughter". These words mean something real. Something worth working hard for. These words mean the work was worth it. Words like these matter. Words like these mean everything's going good. Words like these mean he's come along way.

He loves his dad...he learned about hard work, honesty, and the gospel from Kurt. I'm thankful to have those principles in my home now.

I like it when he tells me stories. Even if it's the second or third time I've hear them. I like the way he tells them.

I think it's silly when he pushes his lip up over his front teeth like a rabbit.

I think it's annoying when he snorts his snot into his throat like a pig. (No man is perfect.)

I think it's sweet how he's quick with a sincere apology after ever argument.

The man is so dang clever.

I hate when he's right. He's blessed with logic. I get swept up in emotion.

I'm thankful he's patient. 'Cause I want everything NOW!

I can't stay mad at him and he's the easiest person to forgive. (It's hard to be mad at some one with a mustache)

I never met a man that could sling a yo-yo like him. I never met a man that cried while singing primary songs with me. Nobody's as good as him.

"I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBDbUVXXp-U&feature=fvst

It is hard to understand why we fall in love. The things I love about him are the same things that drive me nuts. I know without a doubt that this is the guy that Heavenly Father wants me to be with. He will keep me grounded. He will remind me what is important when I get wrapped up in myself.

I know he's not perfect but neither am I. We learn together and are growing together. I watch him love Saylor and she watches loving each other. She crawls around like a puppy when she misses him because that's what they do together.

When we were dating he shared his vision of raising Saylor with me.

He taught her to pick her nose.

He is self-conscious, so I try to tell him how sexy he is to me as often as possible (and I mean every word).

The Champ gave me one of the greatest blessings I've ever received. He took on the role of my "Saylor's daddy". He gave us the opportunity to all be together forever. He offered us completion.

Behold, I give unto you power, that whatsoever ye shall seal on earth

shall be sealed in heaven..

Helaman 10:7

The fun starts here

Okay, so I've been toying with the idea of starting a blog for sometime now. I was reluctant because it seems like "everyone's doing it". Plus, who really cares about what I have to say? Well...I care and if it makes me feel good, well that's one person, right?

Purpose:

I'm going on week two of being a full time stay-at-home mom. I need an outlet. I need a voice. It gets lonely with only your 20-month old...saying the same things over and over. I have more to say and more thoughts to express than just "no-no" and "don't touch that".

I have causes that are important to me and knowledge that could be useful to share. I have an opinion and I most of all.....I have TIME. I would like to put that time to good use. So once my chores are done and the creature is fed her lunch and off to nap-time, I will put my heart and my voice into something that provides meaning, therapy, truth, organization, and hope for even a few moments of my day.

I don't want to limit the topic of my blog, but i'd like to include: motherhood, marriage, religion, environmental issues, organic living, and crafting. I'll expand as my little wheels get a turning.

I know my words will probably be nothing new to most of you mothers, but maybe you can relate, maybe your can support, maybe you can laugh along with me. So TA-TA..here is my first post...enjoy...