i'm thankful for my body

I normally blog about the things that I'm thinking about most. Unfortunately, I've been selfishly obsessed with my body image. I feel like I should be over this horribly shallow fixation by now. However, like many women, I'm still thinking about how I can change the way my body looks and feels. I constantly try to control my eating and find time to exercise. I spend even more time, hating my body. I fail at these attempts to better myself because I'm not happy with my current circumstances. And here's the kicker....Why would I take care of something that I don't love!? Somehow I have to figure out how to love and appreciate the body I have so that I can sincerely take care of it. In light of Thanksgiving I'm posting a list of all the reasons I should be thankful for the body that I have.



What I love about my body...
1.) All of my body parts function as they were intended...arms, legs, fingers toes, eyes etc.

2.) I have blond hair like my mommy, sisters and daughters.

3.) It's not addicted to drugs or alcohol.

4.) It can perform all of the tasks that I need to care for my family.

5.) It can dance.

6.) It can sing.

7.) It made two beautiful, healthy baby girls.

8.) It gave birth to two baby girls...one with no pain meds!

9.) It makes milk that provides all the nutrients my baby needs to survive!!

10.) My brain is healthy.

11.) I have arms to hold my husband and lips to kiss him.

12.) Every working body system that is a daily miracle.

13.) The chemical exchange of gases to provide oxygen to all of my tissues.

14.) The digestion of food.

15.) The delicate balance of hormones.

16.) The replacement of old tissue and healing abilities.

17.) The delivery of nutrients to muscles and bones.

18.) The advanced communication of my nervous system.

19.) The rhythmic beating of my heart that keeps me alive.

20.) My freckles

21.) My green eyes

22.) I have perfect vision (20/20)

23.) I can hear all the beautiful sounds and songs of life.

24.) It houses my soul

25.) I can dress it up in awesome outfits.

26.) It can rock my babies to sleep.

27.) It can run, swim, play sports, skateboard, ice skate, ride a bike etc. etc.

28.) It can taste delicious food.

29.) It can sleep and dream.

30.) It can feel the cool breeze.

31.) It can feel the warm sun.

32.) It can smell my baby's skin, lavender laundry soap, my husband's cologne, Saylor's hair, Christmas trees, a Sunday roast, etc.. 

33.) I don't have any allergies.

34.) It can do some pretty awesome yoga poses.

35.) I have all of my teeth.

36.) It can play the guitar, drums and a little piano.

37.) It can paint, draw, decorate, craft and create.

38.) I'm strong

39.) It releases natural "feel-good" chemicals.

40.) It is unique.

look up

I have always loved autumn. There is something so romantic about it. Even though it is super chilly here in Southern Idaho, I ventured out with my two ladies today. I seriously love these girls so much. I am so grateful for them. Even when they are crying in the middle of the night, pitching fits or not eating, I can't get enough of them. We took a walk to "the big park" and I never regret getting some fresh air. Going outside ALWAYS improves my mood. Lately, I've been in awe at nature. I sit outside and just look up. It helps me keep things in perspective. I feel little under the big sky and am instanly humbled.

I am thankful for the life lessons that blossom out of an hour on the sidewalk. 
I'm thankful for the cozy baby snuggled in my bed.
I'm thankful for parents who never stop caring about my happiness.
I am thankful for sisters who make me laugh.
I'm thankful for Cassidy's conversations in his sleep.
I'm thankful just for today.

This Just Got Real

Life is amazing. Every day I am in awe. I've been up and down a lot lately. I've been fighting this battle with myself. However, when I let God take over, life is a bowl of cherries! I've been hitting the gym and I'm down 19 LBS. I always have this voice in the back of my head that says, "I'll be happy when I'm skinny." But I'm here to say that I'm happy today! I've accomplished so much with my Heavenly Father help. I have so much to be grateful for. I'm just lucky to be alive.

I ran my first 5k several weeks ago at the St. Lukes Women's Celebration. This was a HUGE accomplishment for me. I never thought I would do something like this. It was such a blast. I ran with my sisters which made it even better. It gave me so much confidence. I'm not perfect and I stumble sometimes. Sometimes it's really hard to get back up. But God always makes up the difference if I let him. Little miracles keep popping up everyday. I'm the happiest when I notice them! I'm happy for the perspective I've gained as a result of spiritual experiences. I feel like a more useful mother. I'm ready for those hard questions. Like this morning when Saylor saw me on the scale and wanted to take a turn. She stood on the scale and asked, "what does it say, Mommy?" I happily replied, "it says your healthy, baby!" That's all that really matters. That we are healthy in our minds, in our souls and in our hearts...if it is in our power to have healthy bodies than we are extremely blessed.

On October 27th I'll be running my second 5k. THE COLOR RUN! I'm so excited. It's gonna be epic. Check it out!

Seeking God First: My Weight Loss Solution

For as long as I can remember I have used food to deal with my feelings and emotions. Now, after having my second child, my weight is becoming a serious issue. Mentally, physically and spiritually I feel "icky". Well, at least I did up until about three weeks ago. I decided enough is enough. I found the support I needed in what should have been the most obvious place: My Heavenly Father. I am trying my hardest to eat sensibly and exercise regularly, but for people like me that just isn't enough. I will fail and fail horribly every time I rely on self-will alone. I have to include my Higher Power in every aspect of my life if I wish to grow in that area. From the Sermon on the Mount, Christ command us,

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;

and all these things shall be added unto you."

Matthew 6:33

 

I pray each morning for the knowledge of God's will and the courage to carry that out. I pray specifically for the strength to resist the temptation to overeat and/or eat compulsively. Then I begin my day and do the best that I can do. I see how far my compulsion for food has gotten me. I've dug a very large hole and it will take time to get out. When I realize how much work needs to be done it is easy to get discouraged. So I just focus on today. I do the best that I can today. I have found that if I allow God's spirit to dwell with me continually, these challenges become manageable. The chaos and insanity of my eating disorder seem to subside.

 

As unpleasant feelings and situations arise I realize the importance of turning to my Creator for help rather than food. Food only provides a temporary numbing or tiny bit of pleasure. As I turn more frequently to the healing power of the atonement, my heart is softened. The whisperings of the Holy Ghost come more often to my mind. THEN, when I face food choices or need that extra push to keep exercising I am ready for God's aid.

 

 I've lost 12lbs since committing to my food plan three weeks ago. I've been using My Fitness Pal to keep track of my diet, exercise and progress. This site/app is really awesome! It's similar to Facebook except is all about health. Adding friends really helps to keep me motivated. I highly recommend it. I've written down a very specific food plan along with a list of "trigger foods". This is a list of foods that are completely off limits. Some items are obvious like donuts and soda. But others are personal just to me like cold cereal (I'm infamous for binging on cereal). I have found this to be really useful. I also started putting as much energy into actually exercising that I do reading about it on Pintrest and I've seen great results. HAHA!

 

Anyways, I hope some of you can identify with some of the topics in this post. It really helps to put yourself out there rather than isolate. I have big goals and high hopes! Good luck to others on the same journey!

New Baby Thoughts

Sylvia Kaye- 2 Months

In light of recent family events ( the birth of Sylvia and two new nieces), I wanted to share a few things that have really helped me get through these first few months with my new little bundle of joy.

1.) Get motivated!
  If you have a shoe basket and at the bottom of that shoe basket are your running shoes....you're probably feeling large, out of control, and headed for your 16th "snack" for the day. Since our big move to Idaho I've really been trying to schedule in some mommy time. I've written down a food plan and committed to cardio exercise at least three times a week. Even if that means walking around the neighborhood while packing around baby in the carrier. Physical activity (at the right pace for your healing body) can do wonders for your mood and baby's!

2.) Got milk issues?
   Lactation woes are all too common with new mommies, but a few things that I have found REALLY help my milk supply, are drinking LOTS of water, high protien, and Traditional Medicinal brand Mothers Milk tea. Aqua is kind of a obvious solution, but the high protien diet I wouldn't have guessed. I've been drinking a supplement called Muscle Milk that 20grams of protien per bottle! I sampled some of my mom's and now I can't put it down (the supplement, not her breast milk. She's not even lactating)...Anyways, the Mothers Milk tea is sold in most grocery stores. Two or three cups a day of this herbal, organic, and caffiene free tea is guarnteed to increase your milk supply quicker than you'd expect.

3.) Don't be a hero, go for the drugs!
  This has been a little motto around our house lately. Drugs meaning anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. The baby blues are becoming more common especially in those women who already have a history of depression and/or anxiety. You want to be the best mommy you can be and it's important to be honest with yourself about how many changes you can handle at once. I was on a low dosage of anti-anxiety medication during my pregnancy and after baby girl came I discussed my mood decline with my OB and she suggested uping my dose. It has made a world of difference. I can be a better mommy when I've taken care of myself first! Mental health should be a top priority!

4.) Listen to your mommy instincts!  
   Stop Goggling about your baby's milestones, how much she should eat, weigh, sleep etc. Parenting books are based on generalizations and although they can be very helpful and point you in the right direction they should not be used as the letter of the law. You have a bond to your child that no one else does. Relax and watch for your babies cues about she needs. A routine is a good starting point, but don't beat yourself up if you have to adapt to baby's needs. As women we want to do everything right, especially when it comes to parenting. The truth is we are going to make ALOT of mistakes before we get the hang of things. Whether it's your first or your seventh child, each baby is different and has unique needs. Listen to advice with an open mind, but don't be so hard on yourself when baby has a hard time latching or she cries for 20 minutes before dozing off. Do YOUR best. That's all that matters. ( And yes, I do realize I just gave you advice about not taking advice.)

5.) Did you think to pray?
  I'd like to say that each morning the first thing I do is kneel beside my bed in peace and quiet and pour my heart out to my Heavenly Father. The truth is I rarely have adequete time, peace or quiet to pray before my day is set in motion by my crazy three year-old or hungry two month-old. It can be very difficult to find the right moment to express my concerns and thanks to my Father in Heaven. I'll admit that sometimes the first opportunity I have to be alone is while I'm sitting on the toliet. My point is, that on the days that I invite God into my parenting endeavors things seem to be just a little eaiser. I have more patience, more will-power, more love, and more optimism throughout the day.

   Parenting is a HUGE challenge, but nothing will bring you more satisfaction, more understanding, or more love than being a mommy. Keep the big picture in mind and the little things won't seem so bad. Snuggle that little bundle every chance you get and remember, "This too shall pass."

Nelya 2 Minutes-Old

Find the Trail

Old Penitentiary

Boise, Idaho

While hiking in Boise, Idaho, I enjoyed one of the most precious bonding experiences I've ever had with my two year-old daughter. Above a historic penitentiary is a steep winding trail over looking the Treasure Valley.

Exploring the natural world around me has always been one of my most beloved past times. As a parent my greatest joy is being the one to expose my child to the wonders of life. I watched as my child discovered something new with each little foot step and was very impressed with her endurance. She jogged along behind me, falling occasionally, but bouncing back just as quickly.

Occasionally she would loose the trail, wandering in tall grass, getting confused and tangled up. I would stand still and tell her to find the trail and keep going. She stayed determined without whining or complaining as she found the trail and continued on. I was filled with pride for my young daughter as she conquered the uneven path. It was her first hike so I didn't push her too hard. We climbed approximately a mile, passing lovely little flowers and greenery.

I was surprised when we stopped for water and my daughter was the one who sprung of the bench and said "I keep walking, mommy!" It was a remarkably pleasant event! I learned a little more about my daughter and about myself. My top five recommendations for anyone thinking of taking their toddler on a similar venture would be the following:

1.) Cover the knees:

the excitement of it all certainly adds to their already excessive clumsiness

2.) Point out the little things:

they'll be fascinated by the flowers, the rocks, the deer tracks, etc.

the details of nature can be like another universe to a child

3.) Make them work:

children now-a-days rarely have to endure a physically demanding activity

unless somebody requires it of them, don't be afraid to challenge your little trooper

it will make them a better person in the end

4.) Clap your hands say yeah!:

praise them for their hard work throughout the journey and at the end

clap your hands, shout for joy, cheer them on

help them understand what they have accomplished

you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar

5.) Come again:

not every outing will go smoothly, (duh) but if you make it a regular family activity

your children will look forward to these adventures and cherish the memories

for years to come!

Separation Anxiety

As I have expressed in a previous post, I am determined to overcome my obsession with food and shed some extra weight. My husband was gracious enough to budget in a membership to our local YMCA. I don't want our money to go to waste and I wanted to prove to myself (and my husband) that I am serious about my fitness goals. So, although it had been a long and busy day I had scheduled in a short work-out before the gym day care closed. Now, my little angel is normally a very social, friendly and happy little girl. In the middle of my routine I quickly snuck a peek of my little sweetie through the window. Instantly, my heart was torn to pieces. There was a crowd of children and Saylor was getting lost in the mix. She needed a snuggle and was desperately following the caregiver around. I could see her mouthing "Mama, Mama". She wasn't crying yet but her face was red and worried. I watched for a few moments hoping she would be distracted by one of the many play stations. She returned to the gate where I dropped her off and began to cry. Needless to say I raced to her and scooped her up. I had never experienced this feeling before. She has always enjoyed the nursery at church and I was surprised that she was not having a good time. I realized it was too close to her bed time and she was not getting the attention she needed. I wanted to relieve her suffering as swiftly as possible.

I bravely returned this morning to attempt to finish my work-out that was cut short the night before. I had not anticipated that separation anxiety would be one of my fitness obstacles. I had heard about this sort of thing happening. I judged mothers for fussing over their children and letting their children take control over the situation. I thought that our health and well-being needed to be a priority. Happy families are a result of healthy moms, right? Once I felt that horrible feeling while watching my child in distress, I understood why other mother's reacted so desperately. The situation began to look similar this morning. Saylor was weary of my absence. I returned after thirty minutes and held her and reminded her that I would be back. I offered her one of her stuffed buddies and allowed her to cry for a few moments. If she was still upset after a set period of time I would call it a day and leave. I was relieved to see her several minutes later happily playing with two little girls. I was happy to see that she could relax and enjoy her time with the other children. It reassured me that she could trust me that I would indeed return. I was able complete my exercise and ended our outing with a dip in the pool.

My health is important to me. I am already feeling more relaxed, more motivated and more focused. I feel more patient and in tune with my family's needs. I am forming a routine and feel good about my commitment to my goals. I know that Saylor will also benefit from interacting with other children for a few hours a week. My commitment to her will always come first. This was one of our first experiences with separation anxiety and I know it will not be our last. As much as I want to lose weight and get in shape, I can not sacrifice the emotional needs of my child. Hopefully, Saylor and I can continue to build trust and we will both grow and learn together.