Filling up my bucket

I suppose this is the time of year when we all reflect and recommit ourselves to our various causes. For me this began several weeks ago as I realized there were certain things in my conduct that were not in harmony with my beliefs. To be specific, my temper. As mothers we have a bucket. We give and give and give out of our bucket until pretty soon we have nothing left to give. If we don't refill our bucket then we break down, blow up and freak out. As I reached out to those people and resources that I knew could help me I recognized how empty my bucket has been. As soon as things would start to get sticky, I would blow up. Unfortunately, this most commonly occurred with my children or my husband.

  This bucket I'm talking about can be filled with a number of things. It's all those things that make up our health. Our bucket can be filled up with physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual stimuli. It's easy to get caught up in our role as a mother and put our needs last in the name of self-sacrifice. However, I'm realizing playing the martyr really does no one any good.  When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...am I right?

  So this year, I'm putting away the mommy guilt and planning to keep my bucket full. My intellectual aspect is this blog. It allows me get all of the racing thoughts out and my wheels turning.  How are you planning to keep your bucket full in 2014?

I am dreaming

    I am dreaming each day, that I can find my way.
Peace in my heart. I am here now. Things won't always be this hard. I am dreaming of a day when I can make breakfast with my favorite music playing. On that day I will be healthy. Things will be pretty. I will tend a delicate garden. I will pick fresh fruit and breathe fresh air.
I am dreaming. My daughter will go to school in a classic little outfit. I will have brushed her hair and kissed her cheeks. I will not worry. I will send her away to a happy little place where she has fun and plays with friends. I will not worry. I will not fight with myself.
      My heart will be open. I will work everyday to be successful in love. I will wrap my arms around my husband and kiss him....and he will stay. He will hold me. Together we will pray for the safety of our love. I am dreaming of a day.  I will chat with friends and neighbors. We'll laugh and joke and sing. I will share my smile. I'm hopeful of these things. I am dreaming I am dreaming. I am dreaming.

Each day I get older. "The song I came to sing remains unsung to this day.
I have spent my days in stringing
and in unstringing my instrument."

   I am dreaming of the chance just to be free. I want those times, admiration and affection. Freedom from a pain that self-indulgence sows. I'll share my freedom with everyone who knows. In my dream I will surrender, to all things honest and true. Even if their painful, even if their new. Acknowledgement enlightens my heart. Bringing healing. Always kneeling. I am dreaming of a morning so bright. I'm getting closer each day. I will find my pleasantries. I will wash away.

An Awkward Monday

My mind is so scattered. I feel down to Earth. I feel OK. I endured a long night. My husband paced the floor until 1am desperate for relief from his anxiety. So I'm still bringing the day into focus. One random image at a time.

Ever since I was about three or four years-old I remember loving the mail. I remember meeting the mail-lady to get candy or a piece of gum along with the mail. I still LOVE checking the mail. I don't know why. I guess I still expect there to be a surprise waiting for me. Somedays, the only time I leave the house is to check the mail. I can always count on that to look forward to. Odd...I know.

Events just seem to be flowing. I am sensitve to energies lately. I am very sensitive to smells. Smells automatically link to my mood. If there is a pleasent smell, I will most likely feel at peace. I love these little candles from Bath and Body.

I'm at peace today. I'm enjoying the kids.

I love their little voices. I love their little cheeks. They are so sweet and innocent.

Those brown eyes melt me everyday. And how could you not love those curls!

My little artist loves to create. She is so compassionate and friendly. I love watching her take care of her "babies". And I love when she puts her dollies on the carpet and tells them "two minutes!" (Meaning they are in a time out.)
Thank goodness for the wit of toddlers!