Seeking God First: My Weight Loss Solution

For as long as I can remember I have used food to deal with my feelings and emotions. Now, after having my second child, my weight is becoming a serious issue. Mentally, physically and spiritually I feel "icky". Well, at least I did up until about three weeks ago. I decided enough is enough. I found the support I needed in what should have been the most obvious place: My Heavenly Father. I am trying my hardest to eat sensibly and exercise regularly, but for people like me that just isn't enough. I will fail and fail horribly every time I rely on self-will alone. I have to include my Higher Power in every aspect of my life if I wish to grow in that area. From the Sermon on the Mount, Christ command us,

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;

and all these things shall be added unto you."

Matthew 6:33

 

I pray each morning for the knowledge of God's will and the courage to carry that out. I pray specifically for the strength to resist the temptation to overeat and/or eat compulsively. Then I begin my day and do the best that I can do. I see how far my compulsion for food has gotten me. I've dug a very large hole and it will take time to get out. When I realize how much work needs to be done it is easy to get discouraged. So I just focus on today. I do the best that I can today. I have found that if I allow God's spirit to dwell with me continually, these challenges become manageable. The chaos and insanity of my eating disorder seem to subside.

 

As unpleasant feelings and situations arise I realize the importance of turning to my Creator for help rather than food. Food only provides a temporary numbing or tiny bit of pleasure. As I turn more frequently to the healing power of the atonement, my heart is softened. The whisperings of the Holy Ghost come more often to my mind. THEN, when I face food choices or need that extra push to keep exercising I am ready for God's aid.

 

 I've lost 12lbs since committing to my food plan three weeks ago. I've been using My Fitness Pal to keep track of my diet, exercise and progress. This site/app is really awesome! It's similar to Facebook except is all about health. Adding friends really helps to keep me motivated. I highly recommend it. I've written down a very specific food plan along with a list of "trigger foods". This is a list of foods that are completely off limits. Some items are obvious like donuts and soda. But others are personal just to me like cold cereal (I'm infamous for binging on cereal). I have found this to be really useful. I also started putting as much energy into actually exercising that I do reading about it on Pintrest and I've seen great results. HAHA!

 

Anyways, I hope some of you can identify with some of the topics in this post. It really helps to put yourself out there rather than isolate. I have big goals and high hopes! Good luck to others on the same journey!

Step One

Step 1 -
Main Principle: Honesty

My name is Maddie and I'm an alcoholic and drug addict.
I am a compulsive over eater and I am a co-dependent.

After much prayer and months of asking Heavenly Father to place the appropriate person in my path of recovery, (from overeating, co-dependency, drug addiction, alcoholism etc.) I was blessed to finally begin step work with a sponsor. Finding a sponsor is a very important part of recovery. This person acts as a support who can provide first hand experience in the recovery process. They provide a safe, confidential relationship as the guide an addict through the steps of recovery. I provide a link to the official Alcoholics Anonymous page regarding sponsorship because I am not the best source of information on the subject. I can on share my own experience so far with the program. Some might be comfortable admitting their short-comings to themselves and feel that is all is need to move forward. Experience shows that our sickness lies in our secrets. Coming clean to another human summons an attitude of honesty that is critical for the rest of recovery process.

Having completed my step one work I feel as though the curtains have been opened. I am looking out the window to a new world and way of living. It took a lot of digging into my past behaviors and my alcoholic way of thinking to fully admit to myself that I am full of faults and weaknesses. I am an alcoholic. Whether I am drinking or sober for 10 years I will always be an alcoholic. Admitting weakness or failure is never an easy thing. But complete honesty is vital if any recovery is to be found. On page 58 of the Big Book it states:

"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves....They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average."

I know I still have a long journey ahead of me, but I feel like the worst is over. I've identified the problem. All that is left now is the solution.

"Keep it to Yourself, It's My Life"

The response that I have received from my most recent posts have been less than supportive. I can honestly say that I have been caught off guard with the level of negativity and criticism that readers have expressed. One reader expressed that "I must not really love my husband because I left when he needed me the most." Comments have been made that it's wrong that I get paid for writting about my husbands suffering. I'd like to clarify that I have not recieved ANY money so far for blogging. The Adsense opportunity does not pay until you have accrued $100. I have earned roughly $30 in the year that I've been blogging. So the idea that money is my motive for blogging about my families problems is pretty damn silly.

As hurtful as some of these comments are they have also opened my mind to another perspective. I've had to make tough choices and maybe I made the wrong ones. I am not perfect. I have been under an emense amount of pressure. I have been scared. I've been concerned about my daughters welfare. Nothing has been finalized. Situations like this take time, prayer, and enough time for both parties to express their needs.

I have counciled with many different sources about my particular issue. The only person's opinion that I am concerned about is my Heavenly Father's. All I can do is pray and study and be sensitive to the promptings of his holy spirit. I've been grateful for all the feed back I've recieved because I know there are many elements to be considered. It's MOST helpful to hear from people who have been in this same situation. Outsiders who have NO experience with addiction and are to quick open their mouths are just plain ridiculous.

I do want to say that I LOVE my husband. I have struggled (like most wives) to succeed in my marriage. My husband and I came from unique backgrounds as an LDS couple. We have had unique challenges and have grown tremendously. I admire my husband for his humility and his unwavoring love for me. His sensitivity is remarkable. He is simply trying to do his best with the tools he has been given. We all have dark times in our lives but what matters is how we choose to handle them. By accessing the atonement of Jesus Christ we can face our futures with faith. We can be healed and restored through his grace. There is much WORK to be done in ALL of our hearts. Honesty to ourselves is critical for lasting happiness. Eventually white lies to ourselves dig a dark hole and we can't decipher between good and evil.

The LDS Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) has developed wonderful support groups for spouses and family members affected by addiction. I plan to attend meetings here in Idaho and strongly encourage anyone dealing with this issues to do the same.

(http://providentliving.org/content/list/0,11664,4177-1,00.html)

In My Place

Wow! Like most weeks I have been a whirlwind of emotion and learning. I have really felt a wealth of lessons to be learned pouring down on me right now in almost every area of my life. I'm learning how to be a supportive, loving, non-selfish wife. I'm learning how to be a caring, devoted, understanding mother. I am learning to be confident, forgiving, and happy in myself. I have some how turned into one of the those people that has to WORK to be happy. As a child I was so care free and easy going. Like most adults, I've made things complicated. I am learning to accept my Heavenly Father's help in all of this. I'm learning how to be a delagent and teachable student.

I am learning to TRUST God's plan for me. I am learning to see him in every aspect of my life. Just when I'm not sure if I can go any further he picks up the pieces and puts me back in myt place. I am learning about money and time and the extensive organization that it takes to balance both. I'm learning about HEALTHY relationships. Relationships with my mother, my daughter, my visiting teaching sisters, my husband, food, Christ, myself, the Earth, strangers. I feel a transition of "letting go" opening up a new type of intelligence. Organization of thoughts through conversation, journaling, blogging, brings so much more depth to the initial idea. How great it is to learn, to share, and to observe.

I was almost unaware of the extent of growth I had accomplished over the last week and the emotional doors that I unlocked until I broke down this morning. It was a beautiful start to the day...snuggling in bed with Saylor, prayers, a cup of tea, perfect work-out at the gym, and then as I began my yoga poses I felt a wave of emotion come over me. I received a text from my husband mentioning our recent miscarriage. It has been more than a month since we lost what would have been our first baby together. It wasn't being reminded of the event that brought me to tears, it was the fact that I was ready to accept and face the pain...willingly. My heart was full and happy and content and I found the place where I could give my pain away. I broke down and sobbed for about a half an hour. I then dried my tears, had a glass of water and continued my day.

I can find peace and serenity in living according to God's will and time line. I have faith that he will lead me to brighter future. I am constantly learning and finding more understanding in the mysteries of this life, day by day.

Analogy

Yesterday, my mind was open. I was pondering and searching for answers to difficult questions. I encountered several events through out the day that seemed to apply directly to what I was feeling.

As I was getting gas a young man came up to me. He couldn't have been more than 27 or 28, but he was dirty looking. He asked for some money so I reached for some cash and a pass-along card. (A pass-along card is a small picture of Jesus or a Holy temple on one side and a phone number to call on the other that provides information about my church). He took it and replied "Oh, you're a Mormon. Me too! So is my family. I severed a mission in Vancouver, Canada." We didn't say much more and he was quickly on his way. Reaching for the cash was easy, but finding the courage to offer the card was much more difficult. It was hard to see that returned missionary dirty and alone. He was obviously in some sort of trouble, my guess was substance abuse. His eyes were red and he was jittery. Even though he was a stranger I understood him. I used to be him. I am married to him. He is some of my best friends. Unfortunately, it is a common story. But now I regret not doing more. I should have asked him questions. I should have offered him more. He is all of us. I should offer all that I have. I should have offered all of my knowledge. I should have shared my pain and my relief. I should have offered the peace and confidence I now enjoy. I should have tried harder.

Later that night I took Saylor (my two year old daughter) to Chick-fil-a to let her play, (it's clean and free...two of mommy's favorite things). The stairs to climb to the slide where off set on either side of a vertical tube. She couldn't coordinate herself to climb from one stair to the other. She kept asking for help, but I couldn't fit into the tiny child space I could instruct her, but she had to do it herself. A few minutes later another child, somebody on her level, came along and offered to help her. He climbed one step ahead of her and then took her by the hand and pulled her up. The little boy did this several times. It came naturally to him and he was happy to help her. He did something that neither I nor Saylor could do. I watched this and thought that he just mirrored so perfectly our responsibility to help others. We are our Heavenly Fathers hands. He wants to help us and he can prompt us, but he will work through others. I was touched by this young child's selfless act and the happiness he brought to my child. I caught a glimpse of how God must feel when we love and serve eachother willingly. I loved watching the little boy "lift" Saylor up when she could go no further. This is example was the answer I was searchiing for.

Chistmas Bells are Ringing

The Christmas season is a wonderful opportunity to recognize and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. The joyful season is filled with traditions, friendship, charity, and excitement. It is a holiday that millions of people recognize regardless of regular religious affiliation. It is fascinating how individuals who are not practicing Christians during the rest of the year; are suddenly overcome with holiday spirit during Christmas. It is equally intriguing how faith can be strengthened and renewed during Christmas. It seems easier for people during the month of December to observe a sacred and happy feeling. Some might attribute this feeling to the gathering of family or the familiar carols sung each year. However, I believe that the significant warmth felt during the Christmas season is due to the increased participation of men in the worshiping of our Redeemer, Jesus Christ.
I believe that it is divinely designated as a time that all men can be reminded of the everlasting love that is unconditionally offered by Christ. It is a time of renewal. It is a chance to exemplify the qualities of the Savior. It is a time to seek forgiveness and make amends. Often times we must sacrifice our needs and desires to enrich the lives of the ones we love. At times secular traditions can be confused with the purpose of the season, but when presented in an appropriate manner the same lessons of hope apply. Santa Claus is a beautiful symbol of faith and giving. To teach a child to believe in something that is hoped for, but not seen can develop a sense of confidence in figures of inspiration.
Anticipation for Christmas among my fellowmen is a beautiful sight, but my wish for them is much greater. Annual worship proves insufficient for true redemption. The mission of Christ is so much more than holiday amusement. Acceptance of Christ’s atonement and application in one’s life offers eternal happiness. The effort that the Lord requires from us is a small price to pay for the security through knowledge that we can receive.


At the conclusion of one year and the welcoming of another, I resolve to center my intentions on the teachings of Jesus Christ. I acknowledge that the blessings bestowed upon my family and I have come directly from the mercy and love of my Heavenly Father and his only begotten son, Jesus Christ.