Natural Birth vs. Epidural

In my delicate, hormonal, impregnated condition I'm finding it irresistible to not weigh in on every topic and issue that crosses my path. Obviously, one of the major ones in my realm is whether or not to use medical pain relief during labor.

Labor and delivery with an epidural 
With my first daughter, the labor was relatively normal. The hospital staff administered pitocin to speed up the labor. When I reached eight centimeters dilated I heard someone screaming hysterically in the middle of one of my contractions. As the contraction subsided I realized that I was the one screaming. I was completely detached from the situation. I felt out of control and was shaking uncontrollably and I was terrified like nothing else.

It was at this point that I chose to have the epidural. It took the anesthesiologist longer than normally to insert the catheter in between my vertebrae because my back was so tense. When the epidural was finally administered, the pain was relieved and I was completely dead weight from the waist down. Somehow, I was still able to control my abdominal muscles to push. I was able to focus and be present in the moment, but now I felt out of control in a different way.

Because of complications caused by the nurse, Saylor was rushed to the NICU (she broke the umbilical cord before clamping it, causing Saylor to loose blood quickly). Because I was immobilized by the epidural, I was unable to be with my daughter for two hours after I gave birth to her.

The hospital staff was unable to remove the epidural catheter from my back. It is made of rubbery, balloon like material and if they pulled to hard it could break, leaving part of it still in my back. In this case, it would require surgery to remove the rest of the catheter.  This problem delayed me even longer to be present with my newborn daughter. Eventually, a training anesthesiologist was able to remove the catheter 15 hours after the delivery.

Labor and delivery without an epidural
My labor with my second daughter Syliva, was much different. I labored at home for about two hours and would have labored longer, but my husband made the smart choice to go to the hospital. The contractions were right on top of each other and the pain was significantly more intense then I had remembered. By the time we reached the hospital I was fully dilated and it was too late for any pain relief. Sylvia was already crowning and the nurses were coaching me to try to avoid pushing. The doctor was not at the hospital yet and they wanted to wait for her. I didn't care who was or wasn't there at that point and shot Sylvia out like a cannon. The relief I felt after delivery was incredible. As much pain as I was feeling seconds before was equal to the elation and pleasure I felt after she was born. I felt a flood of adrenaline and natural instincts kicking in. Sylvia needed minor help through message to help stimulate breathing rhythm and then was placed in my arms. Minutes after giving birth she was latched onto my breast and feeding. Unlike, Saylor who struggled for three months to breastfed before being weened to a bottle. My recovery was phenomenal. I felt like I could get up and go immediately after giving birth. Between the recovery and bonding benefits, I would highly recommend all natural birth.

I realize that each woman is different and each situation is unique. If Syliva hadn't come so quickly I don't know if I would have been strong enough to resist the temptation of an epidural. I don't believe that an epidural in itself is harmful to the baby or mother. However, just like with my first experience, little things can go wrong that are less then ideal and can be avoided. I think that we should not label one method right or wrong. This is simply my experience thus far.

There is something so empowering about doing what other women have done for thousands of years. To allow my body to perform to its fullest capacity without any artificial impact. There is simply no other feeling or experience like it. As a Mormon, my thoughts were turned to my pioneer ancestors and the incredible trial that they endured of bearing children in unimaginable conditions. Natural birth gave me a glimpse into the issues they had face. The pain aside, I couldn't imagine the circumstances they had face in order bring their children into the world. Although I felt good enough to get up and walk out of the hospital, I didn't have to. These pioneer women on the other hand did. Because of their faith, the most likely took very little time to rest and recuperate before continuing their journey west. If that's not inspirational, then I don't know what is!

a little crazy, but it's nice

Yesterday she said she "hates ruffles". Today she's wearing nothing but ruffles. She's fire and ice. She's a little sugar and a lot of spice. She is my spittin' image inside and out. I think that's what drives me nuts! Our new house is bitter sweet. She loves the adventure of new friends and new play space. But leaving Nana and things that have been home for the last year are difficult to say good-bye to. It's a good thing we still visit every other day!

tiny dancer

 

 

 

 

 

My beautiful angel. Saylor Mia Ballerina. She waits anxiously for class to start. She is perfectly lovely, pure and innocent. Her happy little dance is the highlight of my week.

Ode to Arizona

Watching Tank

Rhinestone Cowboy

Abandoned

Grandfather

Wherever the Wind May Take Us

Great-Great Billie

Tree of Life

After four years of living in the Arizona desert I am saying good-bye. I never thought that it would be difficult. Whether I liked it or not, after four years....the desert became my home. I met my husband there. It is were both my daughters were born. My "extended" family became my familia. I cried as I left. I am happy for the memories and friends I made in the desert. These are a few of the last moments I spent in Arizona. I feel a sense of pride having lived in the land of cowboys and Indians. I will not forget the lessons the desert taught me. There are so many people that I love in Arizona. I owe many of my friends and loved ones in Mesa an apology. I have not been in very good contact. Maybe it is selfish, but it hurts to hear the voices of those I left behind. As an adult I have become quite sentimental. Please accept my apology if you haven't heard from me. I promise we will talk soon. For now, Adios Amigos!

50 Things That I'm Grateful For

I'm taking some good advice and making a gratitude list. It gets my creative juices flowing and helps me see the bigger picture.I don't think it's any coincidence that tonight I packed all of my daughter's belongs away and put them in boxes until she can learn to be thankful for what she has. She literally has two outfits, one pair of shoes, a pillow and blanket. So I too must continue my ability to be grateful.

I am grateful for:

1.) knowledge of a living God
2.) my healthy body that  makes pretty babies
3.) robin's egg blue framed mirrors
4.) camping in Idaho 
5.) air conditioning
6.) mother's of Eagle Scouts
7.) the Ensign
8.) hair color for $16
9.) the Articles of Faith
10.)the 10th Step
11.) cell phones
12.) tomorrow
13.) Michelle Weber
14.) Mam's pacifiers
15.) old photographs taken before I was born, but of people I know
16.) my purple wrist watch
17.) kombucha
18.) childhood blankies
19.) summer smells
20.) adjusting to really cold lake water
21.) homemade burp clothes
22.) little eyes looking at me while I nurse
23.) love notes
24.) chalk board-worthy inspirations
25.) yesterday
26.) Jenny Zoellner
27.) how my mother gets Saylor breakfast so I can sleep in
28.) for my husband's job
29.) night-time noises
30.) monitarily worthless guitars
31.) the Friend
32.) my majestic king, Jax (my dog)
33.) second, third, fourth, one millionth chances
34.) letting go
35.) holding hands
36.) whisker kisses
37.) fuzzy baby heads
38.) Saylor's voice
39.) care packages from Gigi
40.) needing to cry and being in the right place to do it
41.) a good laugh from pintrest
42.) thrift store shirts that make me feel pretty
43.) milk supply worth bragging about
44.) a sleeping 3 year-old
45.) soundtracked moments
46.) conference talks
47.) non-memember friends quoting conference talks on facebook from pintrest
48.) greeting cards
49.) the snack cupboard
50.) washer 'n dryer

Sweetheart Party

Valentines Day 2012



Mean Kids

How do you handle mean kids on the playground? You know when one child is excluded from the group and everyone runs away from them? That was Saylor today and it was breaking my heart. She was so sweet and innocent. A group of older kids (maybe 6 or 7 year olds) were saying, "she's coming! Run away! She's little, don't let her get by us." She was pretending to be a puppy or chasing after them saying, "hey friends, wait!" She loves interacting with other kids. It's what she lives for. Luckily, she didn't understand exactly what was going on and so her feelings weren't hurt. I couldn't stand around and wait for her to figure out what was going on so I packed her up and we left.


As I review the situation now, I realize I could have made lemonade out of lemons. I could have gently asked the children if they could play a different game that included everyone. Or I could have loving persuaded Saylor to let me push her on the swings. However, my emotions were too much at the time. I couldn't stand watching my sweet little child be treated poorly.


I realized how naive I am today. There is so much I can't protect my child from and it kills me. I don't want her feelings to get hurt. I want her to have kind loving friends who are good examples. Unfortunately, this is the real world. Kids are going to be mean. She is going to feel lonely at times. I won't always be there to hold her and reassure her. How do I prepare her for all of this? How do I prepare myself?!

Saylor's 3rd Birthday