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I have always loved autumn. There is something so romantic about it. Even though it is super chilly here in Southern Idaho, I ventured out with my two ladies today. I seriously love these girls so much. I am so grateful for them. Even when they are crying in the middle of the night, pitching fits or not eating, I can't get enough of them. We took a walk to "the big park" and I never regret getting some fresh air. Going outside ALWAYS improves my mood. Lately, I've been in awe at nature. I sit outside and just look up. It helps me keep things in perspective. I feel little under the big sky and am instanly humbled.

I am thankful for the life lessons that blossom out of an hour on the sidewalk. 
I'm thankful for the cozy baby snuggled in my bed.
I'm thankful for parents who never stop caring about my happiness.
I am thankful for sisters who make me laugh.
I'm thankful for Cassidy's conversations in his sleep.
I'm thankful just for today.

50 Things That I'm Grateful For

I'm taking some good advice and making a gratitude list. It gets my creative juices flowing and helps me see the bigger picture.I don't think it's any coincidence that tonight I packed all of my daughter's belongs away and put them in boxes until she can learn to be thankful for what she has. She literally has two outfits, one pair of shoes, a pillow and blanket. So I too must continue my ability to be grateful.

I am grateful for:

1.) knowledge of a living God
2.) my healthy body that  makes pretty babies
3.) robin's egg blue framed mirrors
4.) camping in Idaho 
5.) air conditioning
6.) mother's of Eagle Scouts
7.) the Ensign
8.) hair color for $16
9.) the Articles of Faith
10.)the 10th Step
11.) cell phones
12.) tomorrow
13.) Michelle Weber
14.) Mam's pacifiers
15.) old photographs taken before I was born, but of people I know
16.) my purple wrist watch
17.) kombucha
18.) childhood blankies
19.) summer smells
20.) adjusting to really cold lake water
21.) homemade burp clothes
22.) little eyes looking at me while I nurse
23.) love notes
24.) chalk board-worthy inspirations
25.) yesterday
26.) Jenny Zoellner
27.) how my mother gets Saylor breakfast so I can sleep in
28.) for my husband's job
29.) night-time noises
30.) monitarily worthless guitars
31.) the Friend
32.) my majestic king, Jax (my dog)
33.) second, third, fourth, one millionth chances
34.) letting go
35.) holding hands
36.) whisker kisses
37.) fuzzy baby heads
38.) Saylor's voice
39.) care packages from Gigi
40.) needing to cry and being in the right place to do it
41.) a good laugh from pintrest
42.) thrift store shirts that make me feel pretty
43.) milk supply worth bragging about
44.) a sleeping 3 year-old
45.) soundtracked moments
46.) conference talks
47.) non-memember friends quoting conference talks on facebook from pintrest
48.) greeting cards
49.) the snack cupboard
50.) washer 'n dryer

Sylvia

Sylvia Kaye Zoellner

04/19/12

7 lbs 1 oz

    Here she is world. The bundle of joy that we have been waiting for! Miss Sylvia Kaye Zoellner was born at 12:51am April 19th 2012. My water broke around 10:30pm and my contractions were getting intense, but I delayed going to the hospital because we had a false alarm the week before and I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. I was afraid maybe I was mistaken and that this was just false labor. Luckily, my mom and Cassidy were there to help. Cass, did an amazing job getting me in the car and to the hospital. I had told him through out the pregnancy that it's not like you see the movies with the dad speeding to the hospital. It ended up being exactly like that! My volume was getting loud ("this one goes to 11"...is how Cass described it ). As we entered triage the nurse looked me in the eye and told me I needed to calm down. That was before she checked me and realized what all the screaming was about. They rushed me off to the delivery room and I was ready to throw my attempt at a natural birth out the window. Fortunately, I didn't have a choice at this point, baby was on her way! Ten minutes after we got to the hospital she was born! I wouldn't have had it any other way. I got my wish to have her naturally and she is fantastically healthy. Her face was one big bruise from coming out so quickly and the cord was wrapped pretty tightly around her neck, but the nurses were so wonderful. We were extremely impressed with the staff and how quickly they handled the whole situation. I felt like it went perfectly.

    I was thankful to have my sweet husband by my side. He held my hand and stayed calm. It was an incredible experience to look over at his face during this precious moment. I think both of our us are overcome with gratitude for the growth of our family. I didn't think my heart could be anymore complete, but now I have a small glimpse of how Heavenly Father must feel about each of us.

   Sylvia has been a phenomenal eater and sleeps like an angel. We are overjoyed to have her in our lives...all though it feels like she's always been here.



  Sylvia is named after my favorite Miike Snow song. The name Sylvia means forest. We are firgue we have water (Saylor) and Earth (Sylvia), so our other kids should be named after fire and air, right? Her middle name Kaye is my middle name and a family name for five generations now.

  Saylor Mia is also handling the situation amazingly well. She loves her baby sister and is excited to play with her. She is already protective and often gives us instruction on how to properly care for her. I was afraid she would be confused and upset, but she doesn't seem threatened at all. I think it has really helped to have her Nana here to be her 24/7 playmate.

  We are extremely blessed to have so many people around us that have helped us through the pregnancy and after the birth. I don't know what we would have done without Cassidy's family and my family chipping in to pick up the pieces. We have had so many friends lend a helping hand to make this one of the most wonderful times in our lives. I can't say thank you enough!

...Ye, are only in the Service of your God

Wow. I am in awe. I just feel so full of joy and hope and gratitude right now. I love Mesa, Arizona more everyday. I am especially in love with the people. When I first moved to this area of Mesa I felt loathsome and judgemental. I viewed the people and neighborhoods as "beneath me" and couldn't wait to move on from this chapter of my life. Now, I see how ignorant I was. Mother Theresa said, "if you judge people, you have no room to love them". Everyday I encounter people in this community who inspire me. I see the humility of the this class of people and I admire it. The 'nothing-to-lose' sincerity of these people is life-changing.  There is pain, regret, suffering, and selfishness among us. There is loss, there is helplessness and futility. My source of inspiration blooms from the willingness of this community to help one another. No one is immune from the hardships of life. There is an opportunity that arises in communities such as mine to serve each other. When our own problems become unbearable there is a God-given formula that can release us from our misery. The formula includes an open mind and a sacrifice of some kind. We might sacrifice our pride and smile at someone we do not normally favor. We can donate belongings or make a monetary offering to our church or charitable organizations. But to me a sacrifice of our time yields the greatest outcome.

I have felt so sorry for myself in the past few months that I have been oblivious. I have been oblivious to the needs of my fellowman. I have sorely neglected the principle most vital for anyone as chornically self-centered as I needed to survive. My willingness to help has been clouded by my selfishness. That is why I am grateful to be surrounded by my meek neighbors who are so willing to help remind me. Even though I am so bitterly proud and egotistical, I have been lovingly welcomed into a fellowship and a community of my brothers and sisters. We are all God's children and God is no respecter of persons. It does not matter if you are a "have" or a "have-not". We are all equal in the eyes of God. We are equally worthy of his grace. Therefore we have a responsiblity, IF we desire the blessings he has to offer. Here is to my willingness to be avaliable to for my brothers and sisters!

(I'm not sure what these two beautiful girls have to do with service, besides the are slowly but surely learning that when they share what they have, life is sweeter!)

Thankful

Finding myself dwelling on my recent failures, I decided I need to make a detailed list of the things that I am grateful for. I'm hoping to regain some focus and perspective of the truly blessed life I have.

I am thankful for:

Cassidy's laugh lines around his eyes.
The soft skin under Saylor's chin.
That perfect stride half way through my run.
The harmony of my sisters voices.
The morning glow through my bedroom curtains.
Big sunglasses
A cold drink of water.
The freedom to praise God as I please.
The saftey of my little apartment.
Friends that I can be vulnerable with.
Friends that rely on me.
Train whistles in the distance.
Eating imaginary food with Saylor.
My mom's carmel corn on Halloween.
Financial miracles.
Quiet mornings.
A cup of tea with Emily.
Baby Wesley's happy cheeks.
The orange tree outside the kitchen window.
Little treasures from Jenny.
Every sober moment.
Five dollars in my wallet.
The smell of peppermint.
Saylor's love for cereal.
Familiar stories on mommy blogs.
Desert winds.
Open temple doors.
My dad's hand-writing.
Cassidy's songs.
Guiltless love.
Unconditional love.
Matchless love.